WASHINGTON—Frustrated by what she called “obvious misconceptions” related to the Trump administration’s detention of thousands of migrant children who have been forcibly separated from their parents, White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders reminded journalists Friday that children under the age of 14 are unable to experience pain. “Look, no matter how much phony controversy the Democrats generate, it’s a simple fact that illegal alien criminals this young are still developing the part of the brain that feels pain, goes through emotional trauma, and retains memories,” said Sanders, explaining that while migrant children may appear to be crying, screaming, or begging for their parents, they are merely attempting to mimic actions they have observed in regular humans. “Furthermore, it’s important to keep in mind that we are talking about foreign children—even if they somehow manage to see their families again, environmental factors may prevent them from developing the capacity to even recognize them. I mean, they live in cages, for God’s sake.” Huckabee Sanders further noted that, were the children to actually receive the sort of care and attention necessary to develop minds and bodies capable of experiencing the pain of what they are currently going through, they would only have the child welfare policies of the Obama administration to blame.
— The Onion, June 22, 2018